‘I want my cinema to be a part of me that I leave behind’
Born in Copenhagen, Denmark, actress Deepika Padukone has been the heart of Bollywood since 2007 when she made her debut alongside Shah Rukh Khan in Om Shanti Om. In little over a decade, she won hearts and accolades alike, and is ready with her first home production Chhapaak. Married to the most promising superstar of Bollywood, Ranveer Singh – Deepika really seems to be leading a fairytale life. Yet her battles with depression aren't something she has ever shied away from discussing. The highs and lows in Deepika's life might make a lesser mortal reel, but she stands tall and smiles broad.
Chhapaak was the first film Deepika signed while she was still a blushing bride – an unusual name and an extraordinary story of an extraordinary person. Laxmi Agarwal – an acid attack survivor, who has broken stereotypes and become the voice of girls who have suffered a similar fate. Not only was it a bold film to sign, Deepika, in fact, decided to make it her first home production. But, little did she know that the film would trigger her depression into a relapse and become one of the toughest she has ever made. Excerpts from the interview…
Why did it have to be Chhapaak, I mean it is an obvious choice for an actor to sign up for a challenge, but why according to you did it particularly have to be this as your first film post marriage?
I know what you mean, there are times you have a fantastic script, a very good character to sink your teeth into, but you still don't manage to give it your consent. It just doesn't work for you. Thankfully, when Chhapaak came to me, I was somewhere waiting for it, I was waiting to sink my teeth into a meaty, wel-etched, researched character that made me think, that made me want to push away from the regular and do something
different. I really think this was the fastest I have ever agreed to do a film. It was a no-brainer. I obviously had to do it, the hows and all we discussed later.
Did you speak with Ranveer about this challenge you undertook?
Frankly, we do talk about what we are up to, but our conversations deviate from movies. We don't really discuss which film we should sign and which not to; there are other personal, mundane things that we talk
about like any other married couple. Please don't misunderstand what I am saying as 'we don't discuss
work'. We discuss it when we need to, but we have too much other stuff to talk about.
Did it help to have someone like Meghna Gulzar, whose success with Raazi was astounding, herald the film?
Laxmi's story, or playing Malti, was obviously important to me, but it mattered that the film was being handled by someone like Meghna Gulzar. I knew it would be handled responsibly. I knew she would handle me through the course of the film too. Chhapaak needs a person whose understanding and empathy is on a heart level, and who better than Meghna? Her stories are very human. It is lovely to find someone who tells stories about people and not box it into woman-oriented cinema and all. When she says we will attempt to give the survivors the life they deserve, she means it; she feels for it. That in itself is great.
She is known to be intense, you have enough experience of 'intense' from Sanjay Leela Bhansali – Did your previous work help?
Of course, it is exhausting emotionally and physically working with Sanjay Leela Bhansali. Chhapaak was different in many ways, but equally grueling. My previous work, my life, nothing could really prepare me for this role because it shakes many fundamentals. I had to rework and work a lot in this film.
Why start your production company (KA Productions) with Chhapaak specifically? We know all the obvious reasons of course, but tell us something we might not know…
KA means soul; it is the part of your soul that you leave behind when you die and go beyond… I guess I want my cinema to be just that, a part of me that I leave behind. I became a producer, because I want to reach more people and create an impact through my films. Cinema is such a powerful tool. You want to use that sensibly. You want to use that wisely. I may not be able to do that every single time, but at least that is the intention.
There is often a stage in an actor's career wherein entertainment takes a backseat. Do you think your first production is on those lines? How are you going to work towards the box office figures for Chhapaak?
To be honest, I feel this now. Earlier, my definition would have differed. To me now, success of a film is the impact it has on people's lives and whether we are able to change mindsets, able to make an impact. Every story doesn't have to be a hard-hitting story. It can be a simple emotion like joy and love, but it needs to make the audience feel it. I think that's the success I am looking for. Also I believe a film needs to have longevity; I need to be able to see the film again, years down the line. Box office figures are something that I have never really bothered with, because it is beyond me. I can only concentrate on my craft.
It is said that you burnt the prosthetics once you were done, why was it so necessary to do it?
I have always been vocal about my fight with depression. During the making of the film, I found myself spiraling. I don't know how it came up, but it did. It was very sudden and it really caught me unawares. During my earlier fight with depression I had help; I never really stopped consulting my doctor
because I know it is important. However, even after doing everything right and doing the necessary exercises and precautions, I still got a bout of depression.
When we were done filming, I needed to physically remove myself from it, detach myself from it and let it go. On the last day, I asked Meghna to get an extra piece (of the prosthetics) made. We got that, only for me to burn it at pack-up. It was a hospital scene, we finished that and I took off my face (prosthetic), had a shower, took this extra piece, went to a corner, threw alcohol on it and burnt it. I watched it burn and stood there as I needed to see it burn completely. I wanted everything to become ash. I stood there till that entire process was over and only then felt a part of it had left my system, my body. But it's not entirely possible as none of these characters leave your system. As of now, this has been the toughest film I've done!
The love story in the film is pretty special too…
I think it is one of the most important things in the film. It is important mainly because people have to know that real love is beyond physical appearances. For the survivors, nothing about them has changed
other than their physical appearances; they need that normalcy of love and acceptance.
How was it meeting Laxmi Agarwal in person?
What struck me about her is her spirit; I am in awe of her. She is someone who is full of anecdotes and positivity. She might be a survivor, but being a survivor doesn't define her entire being, she is more than that…
When you sign a film, what is the first thing that you look for?
I look for a connection. I really cannot say why I relate to some characters and not to others. There have been some good films which I couldn't see myself doing. I don't know why it has to be one and not the other; it is not
something that I can articulate in words. Having said that, I will also admit that I can relate a lot more to characters that have it in them to stand up for themselves. I am not comfortable with it the other way around.
In these years making movies, what is the one obvious change you have noticed?
Cinema is not just a means of livelihood; it is a very powerful medium for the youth, the impressionable, to change perceptions and even beliefs. You cannot shy away from the fact that cinema can bring change. It depends on each individual, of course, how they choose to use the medium, but you cannot deny the fact that it is powerful and influential. You need to choose wisely. I admit I was not really seeing cinema in this light when I started out; it happened gradually, but I am glad I have seen the right of it.
